Saturday, January 16, 2010
when life sucks...
so i have been back in boise for two weeks now and immediately when i got back i found out i had to work. how did o found out i had to work you wonder? with a wake up call telling me i was supposed to be at work instead of in bed sleeping. i have worked just shy of 80 hours and now i will be back in school on tuesday. sadly so many of us, me included wish that life could be a constant vacation. however my memory of the trip is a bit hazy do to the fact that my short-term memory is not the best. my trip to california at the end of 2009 was much needed and much to short. sunny days and warm weather was so nice to have. now life sucks yet again here in the "208", though i am looking forward to starting my second semester of college, i dread living in boise, idaho. i am glad to inform that i have purchased a new bike for commuting around town and to school! as i wait for sleep and listen to Anberlin while writing this post i ponder upon my purpose in life and whether i will ever succeed at the things i set out to do. i have been extremely sad lately, anticipating something bad to happen and also that i am on my way to another emotional breakdown, which may have some extremely negative outcomes. i am trying to fight this feeling but it has been an everyday struggle for quite some time now. will i ever be happy, with myself, with life? will i ever be normal? what is normal anyways? it is such a relative term that i believe can no longer be defined. there is only abnormal. as i feel my "sleeping aid" kick in i should probably try to let it take its effect on me but i will fight it so that i may rest longer through the night. in the famous words of Anberlin, "you only stand to break my heart, i can tell it by the way you run away." when life sucks, listen to Anberlin!
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You know, life IS hard. God didn't promise us otherwise though I wish it didn't always have to be so. I, too, have struggled w/overwhelming sadness, etc. You know, the word with all the negative stigma attached that Christians are not supposed to feel, "depressed." Some think that there is something wrong with your faith when you feel that way--not me. God has shown me so much grace and mercy through the years that I know those feelings go away. Now that I'm in my middle years, when those feelings threaten to overwhelm me I pray and pray and pray. I don't get so overwhelmed nearly so often any more. Honestly, I believe that this is one of my numerous "thorns in the flesh" that God uses to keep me humble and keep me coming to Him when I am at the end of me.
ReplyDeleteI've known you since birth and know you have it in you to fulfill your dreams. Life is worth the trouble even if you never reach the dreams you have today. God may change your direction and send you on an adventure of a different sort to a different place and as long as you are in His will--you will be doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. Success in the spiritual realm is measured by a different set of rules than those here on earth. I will pray you fulfill God's plan for your life. Please remember how very much God loves you. So do I. Love, Linda Johnston
Wowee! Linda, I feel I little out of my league here but... We all love you Kyle and I am glad you are sharing this in some way. I think it helps to put it out there. Congrats on the new bike and avoid Albertsons! Loves, from the (208) Archuletas
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